


Let Me Hold You

by Setsuna24



Category: Nabari no Ou
Genre: M/M, Set during episode 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-12
Updated: 2015-02-12
Packaged: 2018-03-12 03:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3341636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Setsuna24/pseuds/Setsuna24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rokujou has a talk with Yoite about their promises to each other that leads to something else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Hold You

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Hello! This is my first Nabari No Ou fic. I love the pairing Yoite/Miharu and as I re watched this anime last night I wanted to write this scene so bad. It takes place during episode 12 when they are meeting with the Kairoshu, Yoite goes outside after a drunk Yukimi says “It’s those who dismiss reality and suppress their own personalities that are really running away” (a clear jab at Yoite’s way of being.) Miharu follows him out and watches him while he is running water on his head. They talk then sit at opposite ends of a bench in silence. The chapter takes place during this time.
> 
> I do not own Nabari no Ou or any of its characters.
> 
> Please let me know what you think.
> 
> Many thanks to my awesome new Beta, fifteenfeb for looking over this chapter for me and making it seem like I can actually type and make sense.

*********NNO*********

**Let Me Hold You**

It might have started as a way to save his friends because Yoite held their lives hostage. But at some point, even he doesn’t really know when, it had changed. He knew it but there was nothing he could do about it, he was going to help Yoite because he wanted to. Miharu may have had no choice in the matter at the beginning but now, he understood that he really cared for the ‘Angel of Death’. He cared deeply for that boy whose sole purpose in life was to kill and to disappear. Rokujou really wanted to change that, he wanted for Yoite’s sole purpose to be him. He wanted the boy to stay but he had made a promise and he would not change his mind for the sad boy’s sake.

Meanwhile all Yoite wanted was for Miharu to hate him out of existence, to not care anymore about him, to not confound him anymore. Yoite was confused about the things he had begun to feel every time Miharu was near, every time he showed care and smiled to him. It was warm and it was dangerous. Such a disgusting being as himself, a being that brought nothing but pain to others should only be hated, it should not exist. Miharu almost made him want to live, and that simply could not be.

They sat in silence at opposite ends of the long bench. The late afternoon summer breeze rustled the leaves of the trees around them and in it, Yoite’s still wet hair swayed slightly. The thin line of smoke rising from the incense at the center of the long wooden bench seemed to Rokujou like a solid wall keeping them apart and the distance between them felt like miles making them feel even farther away. As the night was quickly approaching the temperature began to drop, it was getting cold outside.

Something had changed between them and neither was exactly sure what it was.

“Can we stay here a little longer?” Miharu asked breaking the heavy silence between them.

“Yes, that’s fine.” Was the response and then they went back drowning in that thick silence.

Yoite was still holding his face in his hands, he was so confused by his feelings of wanting Rokujou to truly care for him. But in his heart, he really believed the only reason the younger boy had wanted so badly to fulfill his wish was for the sake of his friend. He did not want to hope. His body trembled in the cooling breeze. Out of the corner of his eyes, Miharu registered the contained trembling and got off his end of the bench to walk towards Yoite. He stood before the older boy who still held his face hidden within his hands. His heart clenched as he took in the lonely sixteen years old, when that sad face was lifted from its hiding place to peer at him.

“Are you cold? Is your fever still bothering you?” He asked as he lifted his hand to touch Yoite’s forehead.

“Don’t worry about me Rokujou,” Said the older boy as he jumped away preventing the small hand from touching him. He walked to a nearby tree and leaned against it. “Don’t be friendly to me. I cannot bear the confusion; I told you I don’t need more unwelcome feelings.” He was looking away from Rokujou as he said this, not wanting to see what face the boy would make.

Miharu followed him to the tree and stood before him once more, he extended his hand and tried to hold Yoite’s only to have him pull the hand away, their blackened visage hidden under the ever-present gloves.

“Don’t touch me; please don’t show me that you care.”

“I can’t do that Yoite, I can’t just watch you suffer and not worry. I am the only one who understands you and as such I can’t help myself anymore. I can’t help but care deeply about you.”

“You don’t understand me, Rokujou. You think you do but you don’t, not really.”

“I understand more than you think. That afternoon, when we met and talked in the park, on my way there, I kept thinking about everything that has happened lately, because of the Shinrabansho, because of me. And I kept thinking; if it weren’t for the Shinrabansho, maybe the Shimizu family could still be living happily. All those people would not have died. Gau-san would still be following Raiko-san and Koichi would not have had to kill that businessman. I kept thinking that Kumohira-sensei would be happy, still pretending to be clumsy. If only there was no Shinrabansho… If only I wasn’t around…   So many people would not have lost their lives or their loved ones. They would not have suffered as they have because of my existence, an existence that has brought others nothing but pain and suffering. I understood you then, understood the desire to disappear from this world, and understood how alike we are in our loneliness. I promised you then, that I would erase you from existence and that no one could turn me away from that goal. It is my will to grant your wish and until the day I do it I live only for that purpose, I live only for you. You promised me Yoite, that you would not die until I granted you that wish. That means that until that day you live only for me, you too live only for that purpose and as such until the day you disappear I belong to you and you belong to me. Now, take off your gloves, Yoite, and let me touch your hands.”

Yoite watched him, unsure of what to do, and as the words ‘I belong to you and you belong to me’ sunk in his mind he understood how true they were. _‘I am not my own, I am his.’_ He thought _‘and he is mine so it is okay for him to touch me_.’ Miharu had given him a purpose to hold on until his dream came true, Miharu was his purpose, and he could give in even if just a little. Slowly, with shaking hands, he removed the brown leather gloves but in his fear, made no attempt to offer his blackened hands to the green-eyed boy.

Rokujou stepped forward and took the black cold hands into his smaller ones. He lifted his right hand still holding Yoite’s and guided it to his right cheek, the pressed that larger hand to it and held it against the warmth of his face, nuzzling it and placing small kisses on it.

“When you disappear, I will not miss you.” Miharu said in between kisses to Yoite’s dead hands.

“It is the best way.”

“I will not cry your absence.” He continued as he diminished the space between them and got closer to the older boy’s body.

Yoite said nothing but allowed Miharu to press himself against his body. Miharu let go of the larger hands and circled his arms around the other’s slender waist pressing himself even closer and holding on for several minutes. He did not know how much time he had held on to Yoite but now he felt he needed to see those blue eyes. His green eyes looked up into the empty eyes of the Kira user. He could not understand what prompted his next actions but he found he could not stop himself from carrying them through.

Small hands tentatively traveled to the taller boy’s chest, they held on as for dear life to Yoite’s dark coat as he slowly went to stand on the tip of his toes. As if in slow motion those blue eyes watched the green eyes slowly close as that lovely face came closer to his. They too closed slowly and he could not understand why he would allow such a thing but by the time he had made up his mind to push Rokujou away those small soft lips had already pressed against his own cold ones, it was already too late to push the boy away.

He had killed thousands of people without care or remorse, he had done things many would be ashamed of without any kind of fear but at this moment, he found that he could not move and was in fact the less aggressive and confident of the two. He let Miharu do as he pleased. His trembling arms circled the smaller waist on their own accord.

Miharu took the lead and used his lips and tongue to coach Yoite’s mouth open and when it did, the older boy seemed to lose all strength in his legs. They ended up on the ground still holding each other tightly as Rokujou kissed him feverishly. The green-eyed boy was straddling him and his small arms had circled Yoite’s neck deepening the kiss. Yoite kissed him back now, fearful of letting go and not wanting his mind to try to process what this moment meant.

Rokujou broke the kiss when they were both dangerously low on oxygen and pressed his forehead against the older boy’s. Their eyes focused on each other’s.

“When you are gone, I won’t feel your absence. I won’t miss you and I won’t cry for you. My life will continue as it was and I will never know that you were once here with me. I won’t know the feel of your lips or your body against mine. There will be no pain in my heart when you are gone, so until then, let me have you. Let me be yours and be mine in return. It will be all over soon but until then let me hold you.” He kissed those cold lips again before he stood up and pulled Yoite’s hand to help him from the ground.

“Let’s go inside.” He said “It’s getting cold out here and your fever has not gone down. We have to keep you as healthy as possible so you can stay by my side until I can fulfill your wish.”

They walked side by side in silence, their steps leading them closer to the house where the Kairoshu leader had taken them. As they approached the house, Yoite suddenly stopped and Miharu turned around with a questioning look in his eyes.

“You taste sweet.” Yoite suddenly said. “Sweeter than anything I have ever tasted before.”

“I thought you said you could no longer taste anything.” Miharu responded confused.

“I can’t, not for several days already. But I could taste you for some reason… and it was like I tasted something that was made just for me.”

Miharu smiled, his eyes softened with warm emotions he had never felt before.

“You will smile again, when I’m gone. You will continue to smile always.”

“Yes.” he said. “When you are gone, I will still smile.”

Yoite approached him and slowly lifted his right hand to touch those soft cheeks once more. Then he put his brown leather gloves on and walked toward the house disappearing into the door. Miharu let a tear escape his eyes; he cleaned it away and followed the older boy into the house. They sat with the other Kairoshu and continued to eat as if nothing had happened.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think about my first attempt at this fandom. I really hope I did not make the characters seem too OOC.
> 
> Setsuna


End file.
